Open Letter Issued To MJF: “I Really Wish You Would’ve Had The Same Grace And Common Courtesy Towards Me”

Two weeks ago, I too, was very disappointed by how many people were jumping to conclusions so quick.

Yes, we’re all human; we’re all flawed and we all make mistakes. I had my fair share. I wasn’t blessed with much luck or what you call people’s privilege but I did my best, learning through trials and errors, falling down and getting back up to try again, and again, and again.

I knew I would be criticized for sharing my personal story about what happened the day I walked in the AEW women’s locker room. However, I never expected that tweets from you and your colleagues would lead to harassment and death threats messages that are still going to this day.

It’s true. I didn’t make it to the big leagues. You don’t have to remind me. I know it.

It doesn’t mean I deserve to be called “miserable”.

It doesn’t mean I’m not good enough.

It doesn’t mean I’m difficult to work with.

It doesn’t mean I’m delusional.

You can call me many things but what I’m not, is a liar. If anything, my big mouth and need to call out things the way they are has been my undoing in an industry where silence is expected to keep your job or get one.

“If someone’s been in professional wrestling for over a decade and you find them to be talented but they’ve never truly “panned out” there’s a reason for it”

My intergender matches were bad for TV. My hardcore matches were too violent and didn’t present a good image of a woman. I was too thick for the cookie sheets model types they were looking for.

When I felt something was wrong, I would speak, argue. Therefore, I was labeled as a problem.

When you are the only girl on the roster, it’s a curse. Today, everything I described is praised.

No. I’m not crazy.

But yes, I have struggles.

To look strong, unbreakable and to show that nothing was affecting me, I kept everything to myself as was being beat and abused mentally and physically for years in wrestling and at home. It made me an introvert with chronic depression who can’t trust anybody.

I go to a show, wrestle and leave right after. I don’t mingle and don’t have very close friends. I have panic attacks if I’m doing the main event, in fear of not being good enough and because my brain goes 1000 miles an hour due to my severe ADHD.

I’m definitely not looking for attention. I just love wrestling so much that I still push through, still after 26 years… But all that, you wouldn’t know. We never actually sat down and talked.

I know why I didn’t get anywhere.

And today? Well, I’m too old.

It’s not about being brave or not. I’m brutally honest and stubbornly refuse to abandon my principles, even if it leads to my downfall. It’s just the way I am. And guess what? People of the industry still don’t like people like me nowadays! Why would they let in the “old bitter broad who doesn’t understand”?

I had my ups and down with many but you know what? I’m a fucking good person who dedicated her entire life to wrestling, even if it never loved me back as much as I did. I always do my best to give my opponents a good experience and a match they can be proud off.

I’m definitely not “trying to hurt hard working talented people on my way down to obscurity.”

Your words encouraged your fans to tell me I’m a nobody that wasted 26 years of her life… That I should disappear or jump off a bridge.

You and I met maybe 2-3 times. There never was more than a “Hello! Nice to see you. How are you?” Yet, you felt the need to belittle me as much as you could to cover up for the attitude of your col-leagues, as if I was absolutely worthless, nothing.

And for what?

Because of all the harassment and threats I received following your messages, I made the decision to stay home last weekend, not wanting to be a burden on my first day at Blitzkrieg Pro or at Beyond Wrestling who has been so good to me.

with your million-something dollar contract, you probably don’t care if you miss a day or two of work.

Life will probably go on for you and your friend and it will also be cool as hell to see FTR Vs Young Bucks in front of 80k.

However, for this “Indie lifer”, even if I do have a good “shoot” job, losing bookings can be the difference between being able to live comfortably enough and scratching the bottom of my pockets to pay the mortgage.

Words have consequences.

Judging someone without knowing their story has consequences.

The support you show your friend Cash is admirable. You know him so, you might know why. I work for a detention facility so I’m aware that such actions are way too complicated to comprehend quickly.

There are many factors to take into consideration before judging the human involved and situation.

I really wish you would’ve had the same grace and common courtesy towards me, especially since you and I don’t even know each other.

Maybe the next time it happens to someone else, you will.

Or not.

Sorry, not sorry.