Impact Wrestling Review – March 9, 2023
Kicking off this week’s Impact with Bully Ray made his entrance for a promo. A replay from No Surrender’s Busted Open segment aired where Bully Ray injured Tommy Dreamer’s eyes by throwing hot coffee at it. Bully started his promo by soaking in the heat and doing his usual entranced stare at the crowd. Bully said the words that got to him from Dreamer were someone like [me]. Bully soaked in Tommy chants. Bully called out Dave Penzer and asked Penzer if he knows what Dreamer meant? Bully then called out other audience members with the same question.
Bully contemplated if Dreamer meant Bully being a two time hall of famer, part of one of the best tag teams in history, or a 2x Impact World Champion? Bully said he doesn’t know what Tommy meant, and he just dumped hot coffee on Dreamer’s face. Bully talked about Dreamer challenging Bully to a Busted Open Match at Sacrifice via social media. Bully said he doesn’t even know what a Busted Open Match is, and it doesn’t matter because Tommy won’t make it to Sacrifice.
Bully said that Dreamer’s fat little retina is burned. Bully said Dreamer is trying to look tough by laying out a fake challenge. Bully then called out a random blonde woman in the crowd and said Hey blondie, stop laughing, or I’ll take yo sista home with me. Bully reiterated that there’s no way Dreamer would be cleared and it just trying to come off like a hero. Suddenly, Impact’s Director of Authority, Santino Marella made his entrance.
Marella addressed Bully as Bobby Ray Bully admonished Santino for calling him Bobby. Santino no sold it, leading to a Bobby Ray chant ensuing. Santino pointed out that Bully burned Dreamer’s balls, er, eyeballs. Marella reiterated Dr. Ross Foreman’s diagnosis from last week that it was a minor retina injury. Meaning, Tommy will be ready for Sacrifice. Marella books the Busted Open Match for Sacrifice.
Bhupinder Gujjar made his entrance to join the promo segment. Gujjar said he was going to cut a promo in his native language. Gujjar cut a promo in Hindi. Bully gave Bhupinder a confused look while the crowd gave him the What? treatment. Marella said his Hindi is rusty, but he thinks Gujjar is saying Bully is a son na mah gun. Marella said Gujjar wants a match now so he’s booking Bully vs. Gujjar for right now.
Bhupinder Gujjar vs. Bully Ray
Bully Ray stalled early on taking off his sweater. Bully used his body to shield that he was wrapping his metal chain around his fist. Bhupinder Gujjar ducks the punch and the referee tossed the chain away. Gujjar had a bit of a rally, but was taken down by a lariat from Bully. Bully trash talked Gujjar, with Bhupinder getting in Bully’s face begging for chops via fighting spirit. Gujjar had a rally with dropkicks.
Gujjar went high risk but was crotched by Bully. Gujjar gave Bully a dropkick when Bully went for the chain again. Gujjar was about to hit Bully with a chain wrapped fist, but Bully recovered and quickly hit Gujjar with a low blow & the ref called for the DQ.
Winner By DQ: Bhupinder Gujjar
After the match Bully whips Gujjar with the metal chain. Tommy Dreamer ran out for the save. Dreamer was about to give Bully a Death Valley Driver but Masha Slammovich ran out to give Dreamer a low blow. Bully was about to powerbomb Dreamer but Knockouts Champion Mickie James ran out and hits Bully in the back with a kendo stick. Bully no sold the shot and slowly turned around to James.
Bully tried to give James a big boot, but James ducks and went right at Slamovich with some ground and pound. Bully drags James off Slamovich by choking her with the chain. Dreamer picked up a chair to send Bully & Slamovich into retreat. Dreamer & James stood their ground in the ring.
The show cut to a cinematic. PCO was presumably in the Nevada desert with a shovel. He called for Eddie Edwards. He said Edwards tried to bury PCO, the Monster, in this desert. PCO kept yelling He’s alive Eddie! and Come fight me, Eddie!.
Rich Swann was backstage unpacking his luggage. Impact World Champion Josh Alexander approached Swann and said since he knows how good Swann can be because they shared a ring together, Alexander wanted Swann to be a part of his team at Sacrifice to help him face Time Machine & Swann gave Alexander a dap and agreed to join his team. Steve Maclin showed up and asked to be a part of Alexander’s team.
Rich Swann said that don’t even make no sense, because Maclin should just be content having his match against Alexander at Rebellion. Maclin said that’s exactly the point, and he wants Alexander healthy at Rebellion. Alexander said he already found a 2nd partner. Frankie Kazarian walked into the room to show that he’s the 3rd person on Alexander’s team. Maclin walks off.
Sami Callihan vs. Rhino
Sami Callihan & Rhino had a shoulder tackle battle, which Rhino dominated. Callihan came back with thumbs to the eyes. Both men had a walk and brawl, at ringside. Callihan got the upper hand with a thumb to the eyes. Rhino got some chops on Callihan but he hurt his hand by chopping the ring post. Rhino recovered and gave Callihan a backbreaker on the apron. Callihan came back with a Russian leg sweep. Heath got in the faces of The Design heading into commercial break.
After the break Rhino hits Callihan with a TKO for a two count. Callihan drags Rhino to the mat by the hair for a two count. Callihan rallied a bit with chops, but lost momentum when he took a shoulder tackle from Rhino. Callihan blocks a Gore with a big boot for a two count. Callihan did his Thumb thing and went for a Cactus Driver, but Rhino blocks it.
Callihan got Rhino to a knee with a bite to the face. Angels distracted Callihan by tripping him up. Kon hits Callihan in the shoulder with a chair & this caused Callihan to walk right into the Gore gets the win.
Winner: Rhino
After the match Rhino & Heath left. Callihan was on the ground still as Deaner set up a chair in the ring. Deaner sat in it as Kon & Angels flanked him.
We see Santino Marella & Dirty Dango chatting in the Gorilla Position area. Dango was talking about some dude named Gregory needing to clean a basement. X Division Champion Trey Miguel shows up and said he hopes Gregory slips on a puddle while cleaning and breaks every bone in his body. Miguel said they should be talking less about Gregory and more about Miguel as Champion.
Marella said since he’s a nice guy, he had a hand picked opponent for Miguel at Sacrifice. Marella also books Trey Miguel vs. Rich Swann vs. Frankie Kazarian vs. Rocky Romero vs. Kevin Knight vs. Clark Connors for the X Division Title at the Impact & New Japan Multiverse. Johnny Swinger & Zicky Dice rolled into the scene. Swinger had a tape measure that Miguel slaps away.
Swinger said he’s just there to find a tomato can to beat. Miguel left. Swinger then called Dango Patrick Swayze and wondered if Dango would do the job to him. Dango said his only job is being the Assistant Dictator of Authority. Dango asked Swinger to not make him unleash the full extent of the law.
Dice rolled Swinger away on Swinger’s WrestleMania 3 cart. Marella reiterated that Dango is not the Assistant Director of Authority. Dango said he agrees that it’s not a job, it’s a lifestyle.
During the break it was shown that all The Design & Callihan did was have Deaner tell Sami that he passed step 6.
Jordynne Grace vs. Alex Garcia
Jordynne Grace no sold forearms and gave Alex Garcia a shoulder tackle. Garcia gave Grace a dropkick for a one count. Grace gave Garcia an Irish whip into the corner. Grace caught Garcia and gave her a delayed German Suplex for a two count.
Garcia blocks a Grace Driver attempt. Grace gave Garcia a right hand in the corner. Grace gave Garcia a chop in the corner. Grace gave Garcia a spinout slam and a Grace Driver for the win.
Winner: Jordynne Grace
Digital Media Champion Joe Hendry was telling stories to random people backstage. Moose showed up and Joe Hendry introduced Moose as Dancing Moose while the random people chanted Dancing Moose as Brian Myers shows up and punched Hendry from behind. Moose & Myers put the boots to Hendry. Moose & Myers tossed Hendry into a locker several times. Myers said the Digital Media Title belongs to him. Moose called Hendry a b*tch. Moose & Myers walked away.
Backstage we see Bullet Club’s new Impact World Tag Team Champions Chris Bey & Ace Austin & Kenta were walking around backstage showing off their Titles. Bey & Austin are the Impact World Tag Team Champions & Kenta is the NJPW Strong Openweight Champion. Shane Haste confronted them and said that The Mighty Don’t Kneel might want to challenge for the Impact World Tag Team Titles someday. Haste left after giving them a very Sweet.
Bullet Club confronted Impact World Champion Josh Alexander,Frankie Kazarian & Rich Swann backstage. Austin brags about how his team already beat Time Machine at No Surrender. Austin said they were happy to soften them up for Alexander. Kaz cut in and said his team could use some reps before their match against Time Machine.
Kaz wanted a 6 Man Tag Team match against Bullet Club. Kaz goaded them into a match by calling them the best. Bey hyped up Kenta as a man who puts people to sleep. Bey said he & Austin are the best tag team. Bey said the Bullet Club are the best faction in Wrestling history. Bey said he’s disrespected being treated as a warm up. Alexander said Bullet Club can either wear their titles to mask their insecurities, or wear them together in solidarity. Before Alexander,Kazarian & Swann walked off
Jonathan Gresham vs. Kushida
Jonathan Gresham & Kushida respectfully shook hands before locking up. Gresham hit Kushida with a hurricanrana. Both men then had a stalemate during the subsequent chain wrestling sequence. Kushida & Gresham then had a handshake test of strength. This turned into a traditional test of strength with both men trading advantages and wrist holds.
Gresham & Kushida broke the hold and shook hands out of respect. Gresham did a good job blocking Kushida’s usual joint manipulation attempts. Kushida managed to get Gresham in a Hammerlock. Gresham blocked Kushida’s Hoverboard Lock attempts.
Kushida wanted another handshake, but Gresham was fired up and gave Kushida a shove. Gresham reversed Kushida’s shove into a grounded hammerlock. Kushida made sure to keep his shoulders off the ground. Kushida managed to get out with two drop toeholds. Gresham followed through Kushida’s bridged German suplex by putting Kushida in an armbar.
Gresham couldn’t lock in the arm bar because he was selling an injured hand. Kushida reversed the advantage. Gresham kept his hands clasped to block a Juji Gatame. Gresham got to the bottom rope for the break. Kushida gave Gresham a dropkick to the left arm. Both men crumpled, selling hand pain. Gresham rolls Kushida wp with a La Magistral cradle for the two count.
Gresham gave Kushida a knee drop and another La Magistral for a two count. Kushida reversed a La Magistral for a two count. Kushida & Gresham crumpled again after they ran into each others’ injured left arms both men went to the handshake position again and traded short arm shoulder blocks.
Gresham held on to the ropes to prevent from running, but he winced because he held with his injured arm. Both men rolled on the ground a bit, but Kushida managed to sneak in a Hoverboard Lock for the submission win.
Winner: Kushida (Recommend)
After the match Gresham asked for and received a respectful handshake from Kushida.
A camera from Eddie Edwards’s backseat showed that he was driving over to the Nevada desert to confront PCO.
Killer Kelly was in the ring sitting on a chair with a mic in hand. Kelly said she’s going to be honest with everyone, she’s not happy with Taylor Wilde’s little games. She said she’s not a fan of the whole Tarot Card and magic trick thing she does. Kelly said she has another game she wants Taylor Wilde to play. Taylor Wilde made her entrance.
Wilde said she’s not here to play games. Wilde said the spirits send her messages through the cards and the spirits are saying that this is not about Kelly. Wilde said it’s about the future. Wilde told Kelly to take a card. Kelly said destiny doesn’t come from cards because she makes her own destiny.
She said she takes destiny by the throat and chokes the life out of it. Wilde said she would draw a card for Kelly. She drew the Tower arcana. Wilde chuckles & Wilde said the Tower arcana represents change, upheaval, destruction, and chaos. Kilynn King shows up and hit Kelly from behind with a chair. King gave Kelly a Death Valley Driver. Wilde & Kelly stood tall over Wilde. King put the Tower card on Kelly’s chest.
The show cut to PCO hitting a random rock in the desert with a shovel. He was hitting so hard that sparks were produced
Kelly was sitting backstage, recovering from the attack. Knockouts Tag Team Champions Death Dollz teleported to her. Rosemary told Kelly she should have consulted her because she knew exactly what would happen. Rosemary said she likes Kelly’s killer instinct. She said there’s an important rule in the world, and that’s witches can’t be trusted.
Rosemary said Taylor Wilde is a charlatan. Rosemary said Kelly would know where to find Death Dollz if she needs help. Kelly said she doesn’t know where? Rosemary said to knock on Death’s Door. Kelly walked away saying she is not afraid of 2 on 1 situations.
Wilde & King approached Death Dollz and challenged them. Rosemary agreed to a Knockouts Tag Team Titles match with the added stipulation that if Wilde & King lose, that they give up witchcraft. King shook hands with Rosemary to agree to the match. King said The Covenant doesn’t knock on Death’s Door, they kick it down. Taya Valkyrie & Jessicka chuckled and said that witches get stiches.
The show cut back to the Nevada desert cinematic where Eddie Edwards was walking in the desert with what looked like a crowbar. Edwards was wandering around looking for PCO. PCO appeared from behind silently. Edwards saw the shovel shot coming, and a battle ensued. The battle came complete with generic tension music in the background.
PCO ended up getting the upper hand by planting Edwards in the dirt with a Scorpion Death Drop. PCO then drags Edwards to a shallow hole. PCO was about to smash Edwards’ head in with a shovel, but he was run over by an SUV. Yes, a car crashed into PCO. Edwards jumped into the passenger seat of car and drove away. PCO stayed on the ground
Knockouts Title Match
Mickie James (c) vs. Gisele Shaw
Mickie James took down Gisele Shaw with a side headlock. Shaw came back with a headscissors. James showboated after escaping with a kip up. Shaw slams Mickie to the mat with a wrist hold. Mickie avoided a baseball slide and gave Shaw a neckbreaker at ringside as we go to a commercial break.
After the break both women traded strikes in the corner. Shaw managed to get the upper hand after a draping double stomp. Both women traded uppercuts. James hits Shaw with a Thesz Press. Shaw hit James with a chop after Vidal’s distraction. Both women traded fatigued strikes. Mickie hit Shaw with a back elbow and hurricanrana. James hit Shaw with clotheslines and a lariat. Shaw rolls to ringside to avoid to avoided a seated senton.
James gave Savannah Evans & Jai Vidal a seated senton. Shaw attacks James from behind and got a two count. Shaw hit James with a few European uppercuts for a two count. Shaw deadlift slammed James by the hair. Shaw went into her methodical offense. James rallied back with right hands. Shaw got in chops of her own. Both women took each other out by crashing into each other in the center of the ring. Both women beat the ten count.
Shaw & James traded fatigued elbows. James got the upper hand with a rally of strikes. James hits Shaw with a flapjack. James hits Shaw with a seated senton for a near fall. Shaw ducks a Mick Kick and hits James with a superkick. James dodges a running knee.
Vidal tried to distract the referee, but Deonna Purrazzo pulls Vidal off the apron. Shaw tried to roll up James while the ref was distracted by Evans. Purrazzo rolls James over Shaw to give James win.
Winner & Still Knockouts Champion: Mickie James (STILL CHAMPION!!!!)
